How many of you have a friend best known for telling it like it is? I do and her name is Stacee Bain Crittenden. In addition to my best friend’s penchant for honesty, I’m surrounded by a bevy of girlfriends, church friends and sorority sisters who like to keep it real. True friendship yields many blessings including loyalty, ongoing support and unfiltered feedback.

Earlier this year, I invited a few friends to my apartment. We gathered together to talk about our dream homes, dream cars and yes, a dream man or two. We shared our life goals. I talked about turning V2V into a book. My girls complimented the weekly posts.

One of my “tell it like it is friends” said, “Tracey, I read V2V every week. I get it, that we pray and talk to God. What do you do after you’ve done that and nothing’s changed? You ask God for help and help has yet to arrive?”

I sat their in silence, intently listening to her question. I could empathize. “I don’t know the answer to your question but I’ve been there,” I said. “There have been times where my personal desires were at odds with God’s plan. Nothing seemed to go right. Things hung in limbo. Yet and still I waited for my change to come.”

“I get it. We should trust and pray,” she said. “And then what? Tracey, you have a different kind of faith. Not everybody has your type of faith. What do you tell that person who’s struggling to get through another day while their prayers hang in the balance?”

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderfu deeds for mankind, Psalm 107:8

Not a question I could answer alone, so I turned to Ten Questions to Diagnose Your Spiritual Health by Donald S. Whitney, a book I studied during my diaconate walk. It talks about the moments in our lives when God floods our souls with a sense of presence and the times when we sense his absence and wonder if he has left us. The author took great pains to emphasize that God never leaves us but sometimes initiates a spiritual thirst within us, a thirst that only HE can fulfill. The reason for these moments is to deepen our faith and force us to depend fully on him.

for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. Psalm 107:9

In the deepest, darkest valley, God is still there. He’s always there even when it doesn’t feel like it. He is always there because he’s brought us through past trials. We can trust and know that he’s still there to lead us through present trials. Just have faith and know….that he’s there, by our side.

Blessings,

Deacon Tracey

Sometimes you have to take a stand for yourself, your beliefs and your sanity. It’s a rough and tumble world out there but God gives us tools, strategies and weapons to beat off the bad. One of them is to take a stand, stand your ground and fight for your peace.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6

We all have crazy workplace testimonies. I can only imagine your stories since I have quite a few myself. I did my best to navigate daily temper tantrums and outbursts at an agency that shall remain unnamed. I witnessed yelling and humiliation followed by slight contrition and rare apologies from senior management. On several occasions our boss pulled the “I’m the boss, you work for me,” card on us when he didn’t like being called on the carpet for numerous inconsistencies.

When I felt like I was about to lose my mind and needed some help handling the on-the-job madness, I turned to the bible for discernment and wisdom. God pointed me to this scripture:

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

This reminded me that I had nothing to fear. It sounded good but I was still afraid. After four layoffs, I was afraid of landing back on unemployment. I was afraid of being yelled at after witnessing so many colleagues go through the ringer. Most of all, I was afraid of confrontation.

There comes a time when every person hits their limit. And I hit mine. I stood up to my old boss in a respectful yet firm manner and drew a line in the sand. I told him not to yell at me. I told him to watch his tone of voice with me. I told him that I was uncomfortable with the barrage of profanities that were flying around the office. He was shocked, taken aback and a little apologetic.

A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom. Proverbs 10:23

Not only do we need to take a stand, we must stand up for something, that something is Jesus. We can model Jesus in our behavior, in our words and in our ways. We can offer kind words, patient behavior and sound advice to those who may need a reminder of the proper way to behave in the workplace. They may not admit it but they’re watching us and wondering how we are keeping it all together. Sometimes, it’s simply by the grace of God.

AND we can pray for those in pain. In order to make it through my first year, I prayed for myself, my workplace and eventually my boss because he needed it the most. Over time, things improved considerably. Of course, they got even better when I finally left. For those of you still dealing with a tough situation, just hold on and hang on. God won’t give you more than you can bear, although it may feel like it. Continue standing up for Jesus because he will always be standing for you.

Blessings, Deacon Tracey

Image resource: kingrivertree.com; condenastcollection.com, Cartoon drawn by
David Sipress

In the made for TV movie, “The Jacksons, An American Dream,” Vanessa Williams, in the role of Suzanne De Passe tells Berry Gordy, portrayed by actor Billy Dee Williams, that she has a singing group of kids that she wants him to see. Berry complains about the difficulty of working with kids. She gently appeals to him with her trademark phrase, “Just give me a slow yes instead of a fast no.” He relents. Soon his slow yes leads to an introduction and a fast contract with Motown.

Last week, I was hoping for that same slow yes. A friend needed help. The only way I could help him was to call someone who had been fired by my company. I worried that the firing four years ago still carried a bad taste in her mouth. Nevertheless, I needed her help. The only way I was going to get it was to call her. And I was scared.

My fear kept telling me to delay the call while my gut encouraged me to make it. “It’s Friday. She may be starting her weekend. You don’t want to interrupt or irritate her.”

My gut said, “Do it now.”

“Monday will probably be better. It’s almost 7 p.m. and you have a funeral to attend.”

“Do it now.”

“What if she hangs up on me and refuses to help me?”

“Do it now.”

God communicates to me through my gut. When my stomach is tied in knots, I know it’s God urging me to say no to whatever I’m considering. A trouble-free stomach is my sign to proceed. In that moment, God was telling me to dial that number. My heart beat faster with each ring. When she answered, I immediately launched into my spiel. I wasn’t calling on behalf of the old company. I knew she was surprised to hear from me but I needed her help. If she didn’t want to help me, I would understand.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:24-25

Then the silence. I knew she was shocked to hear my voice. I worried that she would turn me down but she gave me exactly what I had prayed for, a slow yes. She was willing to help and the only time she was available was on Monday. That’s all I needed to know. A slow yes and her willingness.

Isn’t that what God sometimes gives us, a slow yes? We may beg for a speedy response but don’t always get it because he knows that we aren’t ready to receive a fast yes. A man blowing through his little bit of money is not ready to cash in on a million dollar lotto payout. New businesses in need of capital may be forced to wait until a business plan and capable team are in place. God will take his time to make sure we are READY for that next step. He will put us through the paces to strengthen our patience before elevating us to a leadership position. A fast yes could get us into more trouble while a slow yes is just what we need.

But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. 1 Timothy 1:16

In my case, God pushed me to make the phone call because he knew that my contact was only available on Monday. If I had waited until Monday to call her, I would’ve missed an important opportunity to help another. When she gave me that slow yes, I nearly cried out with joy because I needed it. I was happy that I had listened to God’s guidance. God knows best. Sometimes we just need a simple reminder, in the form of a slow yes.

What is the best slow yes you’ve ever receive? Please share in the space below.

Blessings,

Deacon Tracey

As I was putting the finishing touches on today’s post, my spirit nudged me with a soft no. Do not post the pre-planned V2V when so many are still wondering why? Why guns are being brandished on campuses across the country, nearly everyday? Why so many people in distress are taking their own lives, and others with them? And why, oh why, did a pair of bombs go off at the end of the Boston marathon?

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:1-2

Each year, Bostonians begin Patriots day with a traditional Boston Red Sox morning game before gathering along the much celebrated Boston marathon route. One Boston native likened the Boston marathon to the annual New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square, only during the day. Marathons are celebrated all over the country. Everybody who particpates is a star, from Oprah Winfrey finishing the 1994 Marine Corps marathon in 4 1/2 hours to the physically challenged “runner” who pushes through on a pair of crutches, finishing 10 hours later than the average participant.

If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. Psalm 91:9-10

Since I’ve lived in New York, I’ve loved the NYC Marathon like the Bostonians. New Yorkers line the streets throughout the five boroughs to cheer on the runners. The route files past the front of my Brooklyn church, where the choir serenades the runners and members pass out bottles of water. I particularly love it when friends committ themselves to the task because that allows me to wave a huge, homemade sign with their name on it and meet them at the finish line.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. Psalm 91: 11,14

This year’s day of celebration was marred with an assumed but yet to be determined terrorist attack. We don’t know why. We don’t know by who. We still don’t know all of the details surrounding the how. I’m just as speechless and spiritually pained as you are. The only thing I can offer is the psalm I turned to hours after the Twin Towers tumbled down, Psalm 91. As we continue to connect and comfort each other, may we keep praying for Boston and the world at large.

He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. Psalm 91: 15-16

In peace and prayer,

Deacon Tracey

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Over drinks, my college friend and I waxed poetically about our days at Spelman, reliving funny memories and sharing recent accomplishments. We celebrated our 20+ year friendship with a toast. As we lowered our glasses, I quietly admitted, “I never thought I’d still be single, unmarried and without children at this stage in my life.”

She shook her head in agreement, “Yes, me too but you know what? Your life is full of love. You may not have your own children but you play an important role in the lives of other children, especially your godson and his sister.” I could do nothing but nod in agreement and fight back a few tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Her words touched my core, reminding me of the many blessings and surprises that line the roadmap of my life. When you fall down in the valley of disappointment or despair, it’s easy to lose yourself in a Why me? Game. Why am I still single? Why did my wife walk out? Why did they lay ME off but keep Jane, Joe and Bob? Why did the cancer come back? The key to pushing through a “Why Me” moment is by pulling out a personal testimony.

“The Lord God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Personal testimonies serve as a daily reminder of your survival. Another day in the land of the living is another day to be lived. We are all survivors. Our back stories, experiences and bounce back testimonies attest to this fact. Pain puts us in a dark place where we ignore the past because we’re too the busy trying to escape a painful situation. When we’re on our knees searching for a sliver of sunlight to make it through another day, those forgotten testimonies play a vital role. They remind us that we made it through once and we’ll make it through again.

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. Psalm 16:8

The sunlight of another day is proof of Jesus’ promise for a better tomorrow. Don’t hide from it. Push past the darkness, stand up and face the day. Then embrace the problem, turn it around and look at it from a different angle. THEN turn it over to God. The blessing is in having another day, another chance to reflect upon your life’s experiences and call yourself a survivor. Once you do that,you can finally embrace the same five words that my sorority sister told me, “Your life is full of love.”

Blessings, Deacon Tracey

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My Saturdays typically start with a visit to the Bed-Stuy YMCA for an early morning spin class. After pedaling for 55 minutes, I toss on my sweats and swing by the grocery store. During my six block walk, I pass a bevy of stores, ranging from the hottest kicks (sneakers) to five-piece furniture sets, followed by a blur of nail salons, barber shops and fast food restaurants. The Kentucky Fried Chicken with an “Under New Management” sign hanging in the window caught my eye.

When this man heard that Jesus had arrived in Galilee from Judea, he went to him and begged him to come and heal his son, who was close to death. “Unless you people see signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe. John 4:46-47

I laughed out loud, wondering how new is that corner KFC gonna be? Are they going to have a wider selection of white and dark meat, instead of running low on the breasts and thighs? Will the cashiers greet me with a bright smile vs. giving me a big dose of indifference? Will the Colonel add another spice to his secret 11 herbs and spices mixture? How much better can it be? Soon that question turned itself on me. After Easter, how much better will I be?

The royal official said, “Sir, come down before my child dies.” “Go,” Jesus replied, “your son will live.” The man took Jesus at his word and departed. While he was still on the way, his servants met him with the news that his boy was living. John 4:49-51

That question forced me to pause and take inventory of my Lenten experience: six weeks of fasting and reflection, including a few days where I fell off the fast wagon. Jesus’ resurrection is a reminder that we are all under new management. Will our actions live up to this revelation? In the scripture, the official tracked down Jesus to request a miracle for his son. Jesus sent him away with the assurance that his son would live. The official didn’t push Jesus for proof of his promise or force him to see his boy at once. He calmly obeyed and left.

When he inquired as to the time when his son got better, they said to him, “Yesterday, at one in the afternoon, the fever left him.” Then the father realized that this was the exact time at which Jesus had said to him, “Your son will live.” So he and his whole household believed. John 4:52-53

This Easter Sunday, Jesus will do the same for us. He will give us new life, the same new life he gave the official’s son. In keeping with his promise, Jesus needs us to obey his command to “Go.” He needs us to go and be better Christians. To go and help each other a little bit more. To go and give back to our communities. To go to church more often. To go and grow closer to him. To go and trust him like the official did. Because he trusted in Jesus, his request was answered. This weekend, Jesus’ resurrection is his promise to us. If he can do this for the official, imagine all of the blessings he has planned for us. All we have to do is “Trust and Go.”

Happy Resurrection Sunday,

Deacon Tracey

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(Sorry for the delay. We had technical difficulties posting yesterday)

Left, right, left, right, HALT! Roll call to all of my Christians observing Lent. We are approaching the midway point of the 2013 Lenten season. I’m checking in to see how things are going with your fast. Have you been able to maintain your sacrifice? Or have you been tipping and slipping? For all of the slippers, raise your hands. My hand is partially raised since the first few weeks have been rough for a sister.

This year, I wanted to be intentional with my fasting sacrifice and activities. I gave up bread and pastries to shed my holiday pounds and break my sweet tooth. I committed to visiting the gym more than once a week. Finally, I turned off the TV to focus more on my writing. One day I hope to see this blog in book form. It can’t get done if I don’t work at it.

Have you ever had good intentions but poor execution? My initial execution was raggedy, to say the least. I missed watching the news during dinner. I thought I was going to lose my mind if I didn’t watch Scandal on Thursdays. I tossed in an exception to my TV fast, except at 10 pm on Thursdays. Then my Scandal watching stretched from one hour to three. I fell off the bread fast as fast as I did the TV fast with pizza and a few breakfast sandwiches.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24

By the second week, I was ready to get serious. I recommitted to my fast and started dragging myself to the gym 3x a week. TV was turned off, except for Scandal. I stuck to my no bread mantra. Soon, I was feeling the effects of fewer sweets and less carbs. The benefits of more exercise were visibly apparent. My writing was winning over classmates in my advanced writing class.

Now that I’m on firmer ground, how’s your Lenten foundation looking? I encourage you to join me in recommitting to your fast and relationship with Jesus. It doesn’t take much. The options are plenty. Spend a few minutes each day in dialogue with him. Tell him what’s going on in your life. He already knows but always loves to hear from you. Start your mornings with a prayer or Psalm 23 (The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want…) Make a commitment to attend church more than once or twice a year. You can even join that church you’ve been “visiting” for the past five years. Whatever you choose, choose something and make it count. Forty days may feel like an eternity. In essence, it’s a drop in the bucket compared to all that Jesus does and will do at the end of this month. Won’t you join me?

Blessings,
Deacon Tracey

I moved to New York in 1998. One of the first people I met in the Colgate Palmolive building was chef DJ, an older black gentleman who loved his job so much that he retired and subsequently returned six months later. DJ was one of the best, always the first to open the kitchen and the last to leave. He took young cooks under his wing, showing them the ropes. He catered to everybody from the CEO on down. He even called me “Miss Tracey” even though he was old enough to be my grandfather.

My favorite meal of the day has always been breakfast. One morning, DJ whispered to me, “Miss Tracey, I’ve got spinach sautéing for you.” When I walked out with a spinach omelet on my tray, my co-worker’s mouth dropped open. “How did you get a spinach omelet? It’s not even on the menu.” I laughed and told him, “I’ve got it like that.”

The cafeteria had an iron clad rule about shutting down at 9:00 a.m. to prep for the lunch rush. I was spoiled because I knew DJ always took care of me. One morning, I ran into the cafeteria a few minutes after the nine. The stations lights were low. The waffle iron was closed. When I asked DJ for a stack of the Valentine’s Day heart-shaped waffles, he said, “I’m so sorry Miss Tracey. It’s closed.”

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

I was not a happy camper. The spoiled brat in me cut her eyes at DJ before stomping off. I didn’t see him during lunch to offer a smile of apology. It was Friday. I told myself that I would make amends on Monday. When I walked into the cafeteria the next week, DJ’s station was dark. I looked around for him. It was not like DJ to have a dark station. Even the head chef knew something was wrong when he entered the dark cafeteria. One of the cooks pulled me aside to tell me that DJ’s wife had called. He passed away early that morning.

Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. Proverbs 11:12

I felt awful. He was always so kind to me. I wasn’t during our last exchange. We had a great connection, chatting over the counter while my grilled cheese cooked. He showed me pictures of his grandchildren and shared how proud he was of his two daughters, a doctor and a business executive. Now he was gone. I attended his funeral along with the CEO, his wife and the Sodexho cafeteria crew. At the end, the Executive Chef, a man of few words, told me how much DJ liked me and how he talked about me like I was one of his daughters. I smiled through my tears.

It’s been about 11 years and I still cry at the memory of that last day, more out of regret than loss. I’m reminded of how pointless my mini-tantrum was. It probably hurt DJ’s feelings for the moment. It still haunts me to this day. In order to move on, I have to forgive myself. DJ wouldn’t still be mad at me. So why should I?

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

That’s really my lesson for today, to remind you of the importance of forgiving yourself. We all make bad decisions that often precede serious consequences. If we take a moment to look at the (wo)man in the mirror and say, “I forgive you,” we give ourselves a much-needed second chance. We all deserve a second chance. That’s why Jesus came down from heaven, walked the earth and sacrificed himself, to give us a second chance. If he believes we are worth it, why shouldn’t we?

Let’s band together and take a step towards forgiveness. My first steps include 1) remembering the pain I’ve caused, 2) using it as reminder to be kinder and gentler moving forward, and 3) stop being so hard on myself. It’s time to let the guilt go. That is my pledge. What is yours?

Blessings,

Deacon Tracey

Image Source: Zgallerie.com, Devon Mirror

My Spelman Acceptance Letter

Last Sunday’s sermon referenced the pastor’s childhood memory of a guidance counselor discouraging him from following his dream. I flashed back to my Senior year in high school, when my guidance counselor was less enthusiastic to hear I had chosen Spelman College. In fact, she was pretty glib on my decision to only target historically black colleges. That was second nature to me. I hail from a long legacy of HBCU graduates in my family, with at least two generations on each side. I was looking forward to adding my own notch to the family tree.

I cemented my decision when I set foot on Spelman’s campus during Spring Break. It felt like being at home. There was a warmth and sense of inclusion that made me feel welcomed and embraced. It was like God whispering in my ear, “This is where you belong.” And I agreed. On the last day of high school, I proudly wore a Spelman College sweatshirt to announce my choice.

Not everybody approved. In fact, the guy who sat across from me in homeroom glanced at my sweatshirt and asked, “Why are you going there? You aren’t going to learn anything. All they do is party down there.” WOW! A shadow of hurt floated over my face before I summoned my best game face and retort.

No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5-6

The best barometer of taking the next step is TRUST. I capitalized those words to remind myself too. When you feel like you’re sinking in a world filled with problems, God expects us to trust him even more. That can be a bitter pill to swallow when all heck is breaking loose around you. It’s easy to say you trust HIM but can you truly trust him without asking about the who, what, where, when and whys around your situation?

Yes, that is my biggest struggle too. To better manage worry and anxiety, I use a three step process. I tell him my problems (pray). I ask him for a solution or a push in the right direction (plea). I step back (release). When I start worrying about it, I keep repeating the process. Pray, plea and release. That has helped me in every situation including standing firm and proud on my college choice. I prayed about it. I asked for direction. He gave me the answer the moment I walked on campus. “You belong here!”

What questions are you asking God? Where is he telling you to go? What does he want your first step to be? Alright then, what are you waiting for? He will lead you, like he did me, to where you belong.

Blessings,

Deacon Tracey

The enemy is always on the hunt. He’s a relentless little sucker who likes to infiltrate our deepest thoughts with a bunch of garbage: worries, doubt, insecurity, disappointment, negative thoughts, jealousy, envy and despair. The fruits of his labor start to bloom when a single foul thought takes root. While we’re brooding, he flits off to wreck havoc in another person’s life.

I’ve decided that enough is enough. It’s time to beat the devil at his own game. I have a remedy to keep his devilish acts at bay, stick a little scripture in your back pocket. One thing that will make the devil run is a Christian with the good book in his/her hand. There is tremendous truth and power in the Law. The devil knows it.

I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16:8

Over the years, friends ask, email and even text me for a scripture. Since ordination, requests have grown. I laugh because becoming a deacon isn’t why I can find scripture on the fly. My secret is located in the back of the bible, in the index. Whenever I need a word on a specific topic, I turn to the index and look up related scripture. Other times, I’ll exercise the “pick and point” method by sticking my finger blindly into the bible and opening up the book to see where it has landed. Typically it’s pointing to exactly what I needed to read at that very moment.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with myrighteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Years of small group studies and a daily devotional routine have helped to ground me in the Word. For the past five years, my morning devotion routine has involved reading scripture, a daily devotional and prayer. While I prefer 20 minutes, sometimes I just have 10. Regardless of the time, I use that moment to steady my spirit for whatever the day has prepared.

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10

When circumstances push your patience to its limit, (I can hear many of you saying, “That’s everyday.”), keep a favorite scripture on the ready. Type it on your IPad or IPhone. Save it on your Blackberry. Turn it into a computer screensaver. Tape it on the top of your desk. Slide it into your back pocket. Be sure to keep it on the ready. There is power in scripture. It can pad your patience, calm a plucked nerve and ease a few tears. It will send the devil running for the hills. It will remind you that God has it all under control. Open the good book. Let its wisdom serve as your safety net.

Blessings,

Deacon Tracey

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